when i started to cut, i denied it
when granmother died, i denied it
when i started to drink, i denied it
when danny died, i denied it.
i denied so many things in my life.... and i don't know, i'm starting to regret
i shluldn't do that... i know...
but... all these things are so...hard, painfull, sad...
that... i don't know... i couldn't live with them...
there's a war inside me... it's burning
there's a fight inside me... it's hurting me
i know i'm insane... i know it
i know there's something worng with me... i know it
i know i'm an idiot... i know it
i know so many things, i shouldn't know them...
i shouldn't be this guy.... i should not be like that
i know... i need to be someone else... i know it.
and i denied it...all the fucking time...
i hate october.... in this month i become a monster
i become another guy, another person
i become not me
i become more angry, more sad, more stupid, more bad
all the feelings just fall down from me
everything is just getting more bad...
i'm like a wild animal
i become wilder, and wilder, more and more until something break and i fall down
i am insane
i'm not like the others...
i'm a wild animal
i'm crazy... my brain is like... a machine
it's working and working... untill something is coming and destroying everything
october destroied it... it desdroied everything
and why? well.. there are some reasons...
at the 16...today... my grandmother, the mother of my dad died
at the 20... my dog eat the bunnies that i had... when i was 7
(and at the 24... i tried to kill myself... (at the first time
i remember dates too good... they just remain in my head, and stay stuck there.
i remember them.. but i deny them...
it's not good to deny things... i know...
it's not good to keep things inside... i know...
but i don't know one thing....
i don't know how to... deal with them
i don't know...
i am insane
there's something worng with me
and i don't wanna hurt people
hurt the people i love
so i know what i need to do...
i need to end it...
to end my life.
(It's not a suicidal post... it's just a post)
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